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This isn't a Revival...

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Zack Ryder had just called The Usos the "best tag team" in the entire company with the Raw Tag Team Title slung over his f*cking shoulder. Another damning indictment of a self-sabotaging creative process, it was little surprise he said goodbye to his prized possession after a promo like that.

In truth, it was a wonder Zack Ryder's big line hadn't been given to Ron Killings instead.

R-Truth's fabulous portrayal of his own insane persona over the last few years has ensured his place on television (and, currently shop steward of the broadly entertaining 24/7 Title) in spite of character choices that would have him fired from the organisation if it were an actual sporting institution. WWE, in its defence, doesn't profess to be that anymore, but Truth's recent escape artist schtick jives with hisbrilliant subversion of the company's broken narrative last year. Back then, he was babyfacing Carmella by explaining how to backdoor into main events because the writing was stupid enough to let it happen. Only by becoming a complete ignoramus could he become the smartest guy in a pigsh*t writers room.

It was perhaps the most ridiculous and realistic assessment of the current creative process, yet obviously had to be by accident. A group of talented folk trying their hardest wouldn't intentionally bury themselves in such a manner, but the filtering process between the "home" crew on a Friday and "road" team the following week yet again twisted the source material to yet another indefinable end.

The same applied to the June 10 Monday Night Raw Tag Team Title switch. Despite how it may have looked at the end of a clandestine triple threat clash on the flagship, rank idiocy reigned, not The Revival.

CONT'D...

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An illogally-arranged three way encounter saw Scott Dawson and Dash Wilder earn a shot at Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder despite losing to The Usos on the Super ShowDown Kickoff. This was the inane method of presumably getting the belts to the brothers without having them beat the babyfaces, but was borne of a rank, rank indifference to the very existence of those ugly red belts in the first place.

WWE, spotting the derision for the decision, inserted Jimmy and Jey, had Ryder deliver his aforementioned horsesh*t about them being way better than him and partner Hawkins in the company to justify it. In case this wasn't clear a few hundred words ago, Ryder's no R-Truth. This isn't a hit piece on 'Long Island Iced Z' by any stretch, but if anybody should know about how this company can literally push your f*cking momentum off a proverbial f*cking cliff whilst trapped in a literal f*cking wheelchair, it's him.

Anyhow, the pep he puts in his step before hitting the Rough Ryder the few times a year he gets to win matches wasn't anywhere near potent enough to carry him over this gaping plot-hole. He inferred that it wasn't time for their "fairytale" to end, but the very idea that the doubles division could be compared a tale of romance and fantasy suggests how heart-eyed his character (or perhaps the man himself) still is for WWE despite the abusive relationship.

Hawkins and Ryder won the Tag Team Titles in a WrestleMania Kickoff booked four days before the show and lost them in a Raw match that made no sense but was their first mere appearance on the show in nearly a month.

Woo Woo...Woo?

CONT'D...

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There was mild rejoicing at the sight of Dash Wilder and Scott Dawson relieving the supposedly beloved hardware as if they will magically solve the problem. As if they solved the problem during the first reign. As if Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder were the problem in the first place. Not to pour cold water on a barely-burning fire, but there are no NXT Revival matches forthcoming that will address the rot that has been in situ since the last time the "1 In Audience-Of-1" got bored of the belts the last time.

The Revival probably do believe they can fix what's broken by tweeting platitudes about The Hart Foundation, baiting Jim Cornette to come out of retirement to stand ringside for their electric cutoffs and double teams, or posting pictures of themselves with the vintage title belts anybody with eyes prefer to the atrocities they're forced to clink. They were named by virtue of the heavy lifting they did alongside a ferociously talented 2015/2016 crop of teams that completely reignited the scene in NXT.

Alongside American Alpha, Enzo & Cass, D.I.Y and The Authors Of Pain, Dawson and Wilder oversaw a tonal shift back in the right direction on the developmental brand, then watched their influence spill over on to the main roster. They sat on subs' bench for much of 2017, but The New Day, The Usos, The Hardy Boyz, The Bar and The Shield collectively transplanted the reinvigorated formula across television and pay-per-views for much of a spirited summer.

By the time the duo were permitted to taste the fruits of their labour, Vince McMahon had already allowed them to rot.

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It's perhaps better to blame the world 's problems on a man with the mind of a 10-year-old rather than an actual fifth-grader but thank Nicholas Cone for the plague atop Raw's house right now. Or at least thank whomever devised and signed off on the idea of the referee's son winning the straps alongside Braun Strowman at WrestleMania 34.

It was a "WrestleMania Moment" in the way WWE like to tell you moments are happening rather than simply showing you organically-crafted ones. It was...sort of funny, actually. The Bar, completely wrongfooted by Braun's decision but overmatched by his size and strength having their worst night on the worst possible night, but the future safety of the doubles division rested in the writing team's fire escape the following night. Contrary to that, it was instead a dumpster fire that hasn't yet been extinguished.

In the tradition of fellow superworkers Shawn Michaels and Stone Cold Steve Austin, Strowman and Nicholas lost them without losing them because the latter had to get back to school. Har har har. Another cute joke. Sheamus and Cesaro's credibility began to dissolve, not least when they couldn't beat jumped-up pantomime act Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt to win them back. Nor could The Revival, to be fair, but those feckless fools couldn't even beat The B-Team - the f*cking babyface B-Team for f*cks sake - as the straps took the same trip Alundra Blayze's belt did back in December 1995.

The systemic stymieing by this point wasn't just isolated to Raw either. Or even just the men, for that matter...

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Raw crumbled under the weight of crap comedy, but SmackDown Live fared little better. The Bar failed to rebuild themselves on the blue brand because they couldn't get past the woeful Bludgeon Brothers. Harper and Rowan's sub-Ascension act hadn't gotten them over, let alone the acts they were steamrolling in order to try. Sheamus and Cesaro eventually found their old form in a feud with The New Day after Harper went down hurt, but it wasn't long before Shane McMahon's sweaty mitts were all over the straps with The Miz.

For a non-wrestler and his non-mate to dethrone actual brothers was actually f*cking stupid, not least when their loss a month later was to set up a WrestleMania singles match rather than service the division they'd been booked to dominate out of thin air.

The belts got more profile than their Raw counterparts at the 'Show Of Shows' but weren't even part of the conversation after the fact. Bayley and Sasha Banks - a month and change into a run they'd literally promised would make the new Women's Tag Titles meaningful - were jobbed out to The IIconics in a decision so boneheaded in chased 'The Boss' out of the organisation altogether.

Seemingly pushed to punish her best mate, Bayley has thankfully benefitted with a renewed singles run. It's emblematic of the McMahon-led agenda against the duos - escape your partner and you'll get a push. Actual f*cking winners Peyton Royce and Billie Kay haven't won a genuinely competitive match on television since, and have been scripted to shriek and holler about being record-setters with the almost-prestigious prize. Dash and Dawson did the same as they toasted their latest victory on Monday's Raw.

They literally cannot live up their names - nobody can until McMahon redevelops his penchant for pairs. This is the end of the article - the titular "Disturbing Truth" isn't a discovery or stumbled-upon revelation, but the entire recent history of the troubled titles. It shouldn't be so easily mined to make the point, but it's as if The Chairman has worked hard on undermining the league to such a stage that you can't even celebrate it when your faves supposedly save the day.

Don't "f*ck The Revival", bless their souls for searching for life in something that's already dead.